Sunday, May 15, 2005

The Door Is Up

I finally got the front door on the old house up!

This was supposed to symbolize that I was done with the remodel job.

Actually, I only have to touch-up some paint in the house, and tile the small entry by the front door and I will be done.

Yeah!!

Sunday, May 8, 2005

Three Wives Tales

His thoughts were different now. He used to think of his kids and how he could give them a better “experience”. He wasn’t just taking them to a ball game, he was giving them the “experience” of attending a ball game. He was never one to do something time and time again. He’d rather try this and try that. So, naturally, that is what he did with his kids.

His kids were not always on his mind now. In fact, they were on his mind far less than sex. He wanted sex all the time. He had married for sex the first time. It was the next step - marriage was the only way he was going to get sex with Lorna. So they got married. He married the second time for sex as well. Since Robin was the only girl of the three he was dating that was having sex with him he decided he should marry her to continue the sex. He married the third time most likely for the sex as well. Both he and Kathleen had discuss sex and mutually agreed that they wanted it often – as often as three times a week, maybe more. He really wanted sex, and three or more times a week was certainly better than he was used to and he did not want to miss an offer like this, so he married Kathleen, his third wife.
His first marriage was really a catastrophe in the bedroom for the first few weeks. In fact, they were not able to have sex for 16 days.
They were married in the morning on a Friday, in Oakland, California. They spent the first night at Marriott’s Hotel in Santa Clara, California. He remembered their first night and their first attempt at sex very well.
They both were “pretty” people at the time. She was only 18 years old and had actually done some work as a model and had even been approached to run for Ms. California. He was 19 years old and the strong athletic type.
It was getting late in the afternoon, about 3:30pm, before they checked into their room at the Santa Clara Marriott’s Hotel. After the wedding, his dad had treated the wedding party and guests to lunch at a restaurant on the San Francisco Bay. They were both exhausted from the day.
They came into the room, undressed and fell onto the bed together. It was still daylight and he could see her in all her beauty. They were both virgins, that is, they had not had sex as defined, by penetration of her with his penis. They had however, done some rather heavy petting and they had taken it about as far as you could go without actually doing it. He had all but taken all her clothes of on a couple of occasions.
He had not idea how to start. They had rolled on the floor and on a bed before. They had pressed hard against each other both laying down and standing. They had pressed hard on many occasions. They pressed so hard and so long, that he had come many times with her. He did not know if she had ever come. He suspected she had come on several occasions, but they never spoke about it. They definitely like each other’s company, and each other’s bodies.
He climbed onto her, kissed her, caressed her and positioned himself such that their mounds again were rubbing. He fumbled to get penetration, but was unable to force it in. They settled for rubbing until at least he came. They fell fast asleep embracing before he even had time to wonder if she had even gone. I am not sure the thought even crossed his mind at the time. He really had no idea what it was for a woman to go at the time. He would learn more about that at a later time in his life.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

His Frustration Level Rose

His frustration level rose. It had reached an all time high. He thought of suicide, he thought about murder. He started to think he could understand or relate to those that killed children from frustration or while in a rage.
Never having been one to have a violent temper, nor being driven to violence in general, he contained his thoughts as he contained his actions in just another of this repeated situation. The thoughts arose as a realization that one could be driven far from their norm. If they could be driven so far in thinking could they also be driven as far in actions? In his case, the norm was non-violent, but he was driven to think serious about violence. Fortunately, this was not far enough to enact violence on his part. It worried him, however, that he was where he was - thinking of acts never before thought - feeling things he had never before felt - wondering how one less stable than he would react in this same situation.
What could one do to be prevent getting to this point? How could one stop himself. Was it his problem or was it the woman's fault for driving him here? Was he just trying to instigate a fight? Did he just want her to admit he was right? What was he trying to do? Or was he just off his rocker - losing his mind? Was he turning Bi-Polar. His mood swings were growing. His lows were getting to the bottom. Thoughts of suicide, thoughts of running and never returning, giving up, throwing in the towel. The highs were gidish, talkative, caffeine driven type energy that quickly burned out with just a few wrong words, or just the mention of a name or an incident contrary to his moral fiber.
What did he want? Was she wanting the same things?
I don't think so.....he wants more sex, she doesn't want it at all - she claims it hurts. He believes her but can't stop the drive inside him for more. He is driven to have sex with just her fortunately. It is not like he is running around finding other women. He wants to be monogomous and has been - to this point. He just wants frequent sex. He is willing to do a lot for her, but does he expect anything in exchange? I am not sure. He wants to be loved, touched, made love to.
He married her because he wanted a touchy, feely person and she was that when they first met. Where did it stop? Why? Was it that night after her shoulder surgery? She has ventured back to this incident and said her trust ended then. Could her love and desire for him have ended then too? I don't think so. The kissing and passion for love-making ended well before then.
Every time he wants her he pushes to hard. He drives himself to a level of frustration that takes away his senses, makes him crazy, pushes him to say exactly what he feels. He says these things without thinking and hurts her permanently. He hates people hating him - or even disliking him for that matter, but day-by-day he is driving her to dislike and even hate him.

Rules around the house

She said if he wanted her off the computer he would have to ask her. If he made a rule that no one should be on the computer of anyone else, he needed her to help enforce the rule.
That is the big problem, he or he and she establish rules of the house, but she does not follow through in helping to enforce those rules. She is breaking the rules as much if not more than anyone else.
How does he get her support?